Selfish

I hung up the phone, cutting off my friend's pleading voice. She was too busy for me, again. I stared into space, wondering if I really meant that little to my boyfriend, who decided to have a guys' night, again. He hadn't even asked me if it was okay; he'd just texted me that his friend Brian was having guys over for video games and he'd see me tomorrow.

I tried to be understanding, I really did. But when he left me to do other things, I always felt like he didn't care about me enough. So I tried to get rid of that feeling by calling my other friends to come hang out. At least they cared, right?

Wrong. Cassie had something planned with family already, and Amy wanted to spend time with her boyfriend. Harley said she'd come but couldn't stay super late; she had to be up early the next day. And I didn't really want to hang out with Harley alone anyway.

I flopped down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Why did I always feel this way? The minute my plans didn't work out and other people had lives of their own, I felt lost.

Was I really that selfish? Did I think that everyone's world revolved around me?

I tried to be reasonable. I was glad that my boyfriend had his own friends. But it felt bad when nobody thought about how I felt.

Nobody is here on earth for you. The thought hit me, and I looked around as if someone had just spoken that out loud. I didn't create people for you. I created them for me.

I thought about that. Obviously, I didn't think that God had created certain people just for my benefit. My boyfriend wasn't my boyfriend to make me happy all the time. But at the same time I got so upset when I wasn't the center of their world.

Nobody's here for you.

I'd been disappointed by so many people. I'd been hurt by a lot too. My day could be ruined when someone offended me.

I thought about this. But if they weren't here to please me, then I shouldn't count on them for my own happiness. So was I wrong for being upset?

Nobody's here for you.

Why did I let people influence the way I felt?

I pulled out my Bible and flipped around in it until I found I Corinthians 10:31. "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

I thought about that. I wasn't exactly doing my best of glorifying Him, huddled in my room, sulking about other people bailing on me.

I sat up. I was supposed to do everything with the purpose of glorifying God. That meant that everyone else's job was to glorify God, not me, as well. My whole mentality had been wrong this whole time.

I needed to shift my focus off of myself and onto God. If I looked at my own selfish desires, I'd always come up empty, always needing more. But if I looked to God, trying to please Him, my petty little problems would fade away, leaving me full of joy to do what I was created to do.

I texted my boyfriend, "Have a good time with your friends xoxo," and grabbed my Bible to find out what other truths I'd been missing this whole time.

*I must thank my brother, Ben, for the inspiration of this one. His sermon that talked about nobody being here for me really shaped my attitude toward others.